Scared to go to the doctor?

As an adult, I don't think I have ever been scared to go to the doctor’s office. I have always prided myself on listening to my body, and when something is wrong or doesn't feel quite right, I contact my physician. During this pandemic, we have been making sure to stay safe and healthy especially because we have children who suffer from asthma.

This weekend was by far one of my scariest moments during this period. My left eye started swelling Friday afternoon. By Saturday morning and I was sure something was wrong, something probably bit me, or I had a stye. I tried a warm compress, cleaning my eye making and making sure I was keeping it clear. By Saturday night I was in pain and my vision started to get blurry. Juan and I both knew that I would have to see a doctor. I was in such denial because I was scared to go into any medical office in fear that someone either was sick with COVID-19 or the area wasn't cleaned properly.

Sunday morning, my eyes were worse — my left more than my right — and I knew for sure I couldn't wait any longer. I called our local urgent care and asked them what their waiting time was and if they were getting a lot of patients. Trust me, I know how dumb that question may have sounded, but when I explained that I had little ones with asthma, they understood. They had about a 10 minute wait and asked if I was going in now since their office was pretty empty at that moment, "I can't guarantee that when you get here." As scared as I was, I figured that if I walk fast and away from main streets then I would make it there quickly, get seen, and get out.

I put on all my protective gear and took extra with me just in case. Once I got there I saw that there was only another patient waiting, an older woman. I checked in but didn't want to sit down, so I stood there until they called my name. It felt as though I was holding my breath until they called me.

In the exam room I sat on the chair, and the doctor came in, saw my eyes, and immediately said that I had an eye infection. She mentioned that if I had waited longer, It would have gotten worse. I knew this, which is why I was there, but I was so concerned about going outside and the kids. Once I left, I went to the pharmacy for yet another nerve racking wait. I went home and then almost stripped in my backyard before entering the house. I asked the kids to stay back until I washed up. After I washed up I gave hugs and kisses to the kids. I went to my bedroom where I sat and cried, it was as though all the anxiety I was feeling at the doctor, the pharmacy, and on the walk home all came crashing down.

I have heard stories that children go to the hospital alone if they got sick, and I couldn't bear it. I couldn’t stop crying. I was in pain from the infection but couldn't stop the tears flowing I was so scared. I have been to the emergency room with my children, from asthma, a nasty fall, hernia surgery, overnight epilepsy stays, and a diagnosis of autism for one and mild cerebral palsy for another. I was never as scared for my children than I was yesterday. After I stopped crying I spent the rest of the evening watching movies with the kids, and zoom meeting with family members.

I wanted to share this experience with you. I figured I probably wasn’t the only person who was scared to have to go to the doctor.

Take care, and stay safe.