Acceptance

It was actually not that hard for me to receive the news that my life as a mother was going to change. Not for the worse or for the better, but that it was going to be altered. When my oldest was born I was a nervous reck, not knowing what to expect because no one really does tell you the truth about motherhood. She was such an easy child, even with the occasional fever and the maybe two trips emergency room. She was tantrum-free and never really misbehaved. Even now, eight years later she is still one of the easiest.

Now, when we talk about the other two (lol) it isn’t at all the same, but then again are any of our children the same? My second was determined to change things. B has been a handful from the beginning. She hated bottles from birth until about eleven months old. She loved the pacifier. She nursed until my little man was born. She was filled with personality and would laugh until she couldn't catch her breath. She was such a chubby, greedy baby. If she saw you with food she would scream at the top of her lungs until you gave her a taste. That hasn't changed at all. Out of all the kids she's the one who is constantly eating lol. 

She was a late walker and never really just walked. She would always sprint everywhere, looking alot like she would just topple over at any moment. She was also very clumsy, and kept tripping over her own feet. We spoke to the pediatrician  about it and she referred us to an orthopedic surgeon. There she was diagnosed with cerebral palsy and referred to physical therapy. All this while we were in the process of getting my little man into early intervention and to follow a diagnosis of autism. 

I've had people ask me how I manage, how I'm not depressed and distraught about all the things I was going through. For a while, I was thinking the same. I am a mother first and my job is to ensure that the kids are alright. Even with all that's going on my love for them never changed. I wasn't angry, sad or hurt. I was worried. As a mother all we do is worry about our kids. I have accepted that my life will be different than some mothers and similar to others. 

It has been some time since the diagnosis for both B and M, the transition to scheduled therapy sessions and learning what as a family we can and shouldn't do has been a learning experience. I find myself on the subway sometimes just thinking about how we manage or what's next for them. My life as a mother like most is a learning experience with fun and scary moments.