My December Blues
I would like to wish everyone happy new years, new years day seems to always be the day where everyone is reevaluating the year prior and striving to either become new people or build on what they have been working on. I've written this blog post several times because I didn't want to start my first post of the new year sad, but I do want to share. So I will share, something that I have been going through. The last month was one of my toughest months of 2019, not because the year was coming to an end and I didn't accomplish what I set to do. I missed my mother so much.
I knew that when my mother passed I would miss her especially around the month she passed and during the holidays. Christmas was really tough, I would find myself fixing the Christmas decorations around the house and tearing up. Knowing that my oldest was the only that got to spend a Christmas with her grandmother has been weighing heavy on me. It will be five years this year that she had passed, I thought it would get easier as the years have gone by. Not that I would forget her but I felt as though the sadness wouldn't get worse, but it has.
Every year since my niece and I had our children we would alternate who’s house would be hosting Christmas dinner. This year was my year, I was excited and both filled with dread because I was so worried I would cry and mess up Christmas for my family. We woke up that morning made yummy cinnamon buns for breakfast, waited a bit to open gifts. While watching my little one's open gift I was filled with so much love, I didn't notice how quickly my eyes filled up with tears. I headed toward the kitchen hoping no one would notice and my oldest followed to give me a hug and said I miss her too. She knew exactly how I was feeling and made me THE PARENT! feel better by telling me that Wela (my mother) was watching over us opening our presents.
After all the gifts were open I started on Christmas dinner, I managed to get through dinner which everyone enjoyed. Even as I write this my eyes are filled with tears, my mother was my rock. She gave so much to me as a child, worked hard and saved the little money we had to go one vacation and spoil me. She treated me and raised me as if she had given birth to me herself. I am continuously grateful for all shes done and miss her so much.
